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How to Set Chores by Age
When it comes to chores, knowing what to expect from your child can be tough. For single parents, this is especially true. You think, “Can they really help? Should I have them help?” The answer is, yes. Remember, our job as parents is to help our children grow into mature, independent, and responsible adults. Our goals for them simply cannot be reached by waiting until adulthood to begin molding them. Setting expectations, and opportunities to achieve is one way we begin the “adult-prep” process.
If you don’t know where to begin, you can always get ideas from daycares, and kindergarten classrooms. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel; these professions have tons of child development training you can copy.
To get you started, here’s a sample list of age appropriate chores you can review as guidelines before you create your first chore chart.
Tips To Consider:
Time
Setting clean up times in short bursts works better than longer periods, until they reach about 16 years old.
Levels
Establishing basic and advanced level chores, and connecting them with basic and advanced level privileges works well to motivate children to reach for the next level.
Training
Never have them perform a chore without your training. No one likes to spend effort performing a job, only to find out they did it wrong when they’re done! It kills motivation. They want to hear positive reinforcement messages, like “thank you, this is great.”
Personality
Recognize your children are no different than you are. There will be some chores they dread doing, some they don’t mind doing, and some they like doing. Some kids love to cook, while others love being organized and cleaning up. Although everyone should be trained, if they wish to “swap” chores with each other – don’t sweat it. [Just make sure you require your own pre-approval prior to any swapping, so younger children don’t get taken advantage of, and so the overall workload remains equal. For example, kitchen, bathrooms and laundry are each time consuming chores. No person should have more than one of those chore assignments simultaneously.]
Dealing with Objections
We all experience times when we just don’t feel like doing a task. We may be tired, not feeling well, sad, or well – we just want a break. Recognize, kids feel this way too. Build in earned “Vacation Days,” as part of your reward system. For example, for each week of completed chores, they earn (1) day off. Let them build and use their vacation days, however they see fit.
Give them lightened chore holiday breaks separately from their earned vacation days too. One way to accomplish this is to create your own “coupon” book. Let them tear out and use the coupons as their currency. Examples are skipping a chore for a day, two days, or a week, later bedtime, getting off grounding early, friend spend the night. Be creative!
The “Exes” Objections
Dealing with an ex ALWAYS takes finesse. Because people are not “One size fits all,” there is no surefire way to deal with an “ex,” which will guarantee great results. Nevertheless, don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods of communication until you find one that works – for you. [Also, recognize there are some relationships where communication is not going to occur.] Some strategies which help are mimicking chores completed in the other home; telling the other parent what you are planning and ask if they have preferences, or objections for a particular chore.
Safety Rules
Follow the example set by OSHA, and establish your own set of household safety rules. Some examples are:
Okay, enough tips – here’s the list! ☺
Ages 2 and 3
Toddlers love to help at this age, even if their help isn’t as “helpful” as what we would like it to be. You can introduce your children to the concept of cleaning up with the “10-Second Tidy.” The idea is modeled after the television show, “The Big Comfy Couch.” At the conclusion of the program, the character would set a timer and pick up her toys before the timer buzzed. Copy the characters’ behavior with your own timer, and at your own clean up time, everyone participates in the “10-Second Tidy.” The kids love it. At this age never let your children engage in clean up without supervision. This age group has a short attention span. If you don’t help, they will quickly lose interest.
Some chores 2-3 year olds can do…
Help make their bed.
Pick up toys and books.
Take laundry to the laundry room.
Help feed pets. [But not water, because water is heavy and/or may encourage unsupervised water play]
Help wipe up small messes.
Dust with old socks on their hands.
Ages 4 and 5
Lots of toddlers love to see a visual reminder of their success, making sticker charts a great choice. Kids at this stage love rewards, and they don't have to be huge. Try using a sticker chart that allows them to build up to bigger rewards. For some preschoolers, tying chores to an allowance is a great choice. This can also foster independence by allowing them to choose a reward. However, at this stage the reward concept can get challenging to keep up with. To better manage it, begin to separate chores into “basic,” and “advanced.” Basic chores are done without reward, but advanced chores get rewards. Also, make sure you let the children know they are not eligible to perform advanced chores without having completed their basic list, first. [Without this advance limitation, they will choose the advanced chores to get to the reward, while leaving the basic chores to remain undone.]
Some chores preschoolers can do in addition to the ones above…
Clear and set the table.
Help out in preparing food. [Help get ingredients out, measure ingredients, stir, spoon into muffin tins]
Sorting laundry by color, and/or putting away laundry
Carrying and putting away groceries.
Ages 6-8
Using chore charts to keep track of their responsibilities works well with this age group. Connecting the list to privileges helps keep them motivated to continue working.
Some chores that they are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Take care of pets.
Vacuum and mop.
Take out trash.
Fold and put away laundry.
Ages 9-12
Kids at this age need organization and a set schedule from you (along with your expectations.) If you lump things on them at the last minute, or keep moving their goals, they will get upset. This age often has a lot of school activities and increased homework, which will cut into their free time. Proper scheduling is key to assisting their developing sense of organization and prioritizing. Limiting daily chores (like picking up) to no more than 30 minutes, and allowing them to delegate scrubbing-type chores to weekends is helpful.
Some Chores preteens are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Help wash the car.
Wash dishes.
Help prepare simple meals.
Mowing the lawn
Rake leaves.
Operate the washer and dryer.
Ages 13-18
This age group is pretty capable of handling most chores, provided they have been trained properly. However, at this age, their lives are really hopping! Between their social lives, academic lives, and activities, they can become easily overwhelmed and frustrated. In most cases, this is a simple time management problem. Remember the expression “Time flies when you’re having fun”? Believe it or not, many people are terrible estimators of time. This is especially true when we connect “time” with activities we enjoy or loathe. Have you ever felt time was dragging on when you wanted to stop doing something? Or have you ever wondered where the time went, when you were having a great time doing something? Teens are no different. Further complicating their concept of time is their individual learning rate.
To deal with this challenge, break out the old timer you were using and dust it off. Start having your teen time themselves (or you can do it for them) doing every task on their plate, for a minimum of two weeks. [Ideally, a month is better because it allows for changes in energy levels and assignment complexity – but two weeks will do.] Then look at the actual time it takes them to complete a task, and compare it with the amount of time they actually have. I guarantee, some adjustment and prioritizing will be required. When calculating available time, do not forget to include the time it takes to travel back and forth to activities, or time spent on the bus, or how many pages they read an hour. Believe me, this stuff adds up!
Don’t be afraid to drop some chores to a bi-weekly schedule, like laundry.
Some chores teenagers are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Replace light bulbs and vacuum cleaner bags.
All parts of the laundry.
Wash windows.
Clean out refrigerator and other kitchen appliances.
Clean the bathroom.
Grocery shopping
Shoveling snow and salting the walk
Prepare meals.
Don’t forget, all children are “Under Construction.” Making mistakes is an integral part of the human experience. Remember, don’t let your past mistakes and failures rule your life or theirs. Mistakes and failures are the parents of Strength and Wisdom! Be flexible enough to go with the flow, but confident enough to be who you are and you’re going to be a great parent. The most important guideline to follow is letting your child develop according to their individual talents.
If you don’t know where to begin, you can always get ideas from daycares, and kindergarten classrooms. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel; these professions have tons of child development training you can copy.
To get you started, here’s a sample list of age appropriate chores you can review as guidelines before you create your first chore chart.
Tips To Consider:
Time
Setting clean up times in short bursts works better than longer periods, until they reach about 16 years old.
Levels
Establishing basic and advanced level chores, and connecting them with basic and advanced level privileges works well to motivate children to reach for the next level.
Training
Never have them perform a chore without your training. No one likes to spend effort performing a job, only to find out they did it wrong when they’re done! It kills motivation. They want to hear positive reinforcement messages, like “thank you, this is great.”
Personality
Recognize your children are no different than you are. There will be some chores they dread doing, some they don’t mind doing, and some they like doing. Some kids love to cook, while others love being organized and cleaning up. Although everyone should be trained, if they wish to “swap” chores with each other – don’t sweat it. [Just make sure you require your own pre-approval prior to any swapping, so younger children don’t get taken advantage of, and so the overall workload remains equal. For example, kitchen, bathrooms and laundry are each time consuming chores. No person should have more than one of those chore assignments simultaneously.]
Dealing with Objections
We all experience times when we just don’t feel like doing a task. We may be tired, not feeling well, sad, or well – we just want a break. Recognize, kids feel this way too. Build in earned “Vacation Days,” as part of your reward system. For example, for each week of completed chores, they earn (1) day off. Let them build and use their vacation days, however they see fit.
Give them lightened chore holiday breaks separately from their earned vacation days too. One way to accomplish this is to create your own “coupon” book. Let them tear out and use the coupons as their currency. Examples are skipping a chore for a day, two days, or a week, later bedtime, getting off grounding early, friend spend the night. Be creative!
The “Exes” Objections
Dealing with an ex ALWAYS takes finesse. Because people are not “One size fits all,” there is no surefire way to deal with an “ex,” which will guarantee great results. Nevertheless, don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods of communication until you find one that works – for you. [Also, recognize there are some relationships where communication is not going to occur.] Some strategies which help are mimicking chores completed in the other home; telling the other parent what you are planning and ask if they have preferences, or objections for a particular chore.
Safety Rules
Follow the example set by OSHA, and establish your own set of household safety rules. Some examples are:
- No visitors when a parent isn’t home. [All]
- No operating electrical appliances when a parent isn’t home. [Age 13 and younger]
- No using sharp knives, or the food processor without supervision. [Age 17 and younger]
- No washing the food processor blades [Age 17 and younger]
- Never wash food processor blades with a cloth rag. Only use a kitchen scrub brush. [All]
- No mowing the lawn when a parent isn’t home. [Age 15 and younger]
- Never mow the lawn (or operate any motorized item) with your iPod earphones in! [All]
- Never mix chemicals when cleaning the bathroom; the resulting gases could be poisonous. [Children 12 and younger should not be using harsh chemicals unsupervised.]
- Never hold a cloth rag in front of rotating machinery to clean it. [All]
- Never use water on a grease fire. Use baking soda, or regular table salt instead. [All]
- No playing doctor by self-diagnosing an illness and self-medicating. [All]
- No administering medications to siblings [All]
- No accepting medications from siblings [All]
- Always follow the golden rule, “When in doubt, don’t.”
Okay, enough tips – here’s the list! ☺
Ages 2 and 3
Toddlers love to help at this age, even if their help isn’t as “helpful” as what we would like it to be. You can introduce your children to the concept of cleaning up with the “10-Second Tidy.” The idea is modeled after the television show, “The Big Comfy Couch.” At the conclusion of the program, the character would set a timer and pick up her toys before the timer buzzed. Copy the characters’ behavior with your own timer, and at your own clean up time, everyone participates in the “10-Second Tidy.” The kids love it. At this age never let your children engage in clean up without supervision. This age group has a short attention span. If you don’t help, they will quickly lose interest.
Some chores 2-3 year olds can do…
Help make their bed.
Pick up toys and books.
Take laundry to the laundry room.
Help feed pets. [But not water, because water is heavy and/or may encourage unsupervised water play]
Help wipe up small messes.
Dust with old socks on their hands.
Ages 4 and 5
Lots of toddlers love to see a visual reminder of their success, making sticker charts a great choice. Kids at this stage love rewards, and they don't have to be huge. Try using a sticker chart that allows them to build up to bigger rewards. For some preschoolers, tying chores to an allowance is a great choice. This can also foster independence by allowing them to choose a reward. However, at this stage the reward concept can get challenging to keep up with. To better manage it, begin to separate chores into “basic,” and “advanced.” Basic chores are done without reward, but advanced chores get rewards. Also, make sure you let the children know they are not eligible to perform advanced chores without having completed their basic list, first. [Without this advance limitation, they will choose the advanced chores to get to the reward, while leaving the basic chores to remain undone.]
Some chores preschoolers can do in addition to the ones above…
Clear and set the table.
Help out in preparing food. [Help get ingredients out, measure ingredients, stir, spoon into muffin tins]
Sorting laundry by color, and/or putting away laundry
Carrying and putting away groceries.
Ages 6-8
Using chore charts to keep track of their responsibilities works well with this age group. Connecting the list to privileges helps keep them motivated to continue working.
Some chores that they are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Take care of pets.
Vacuum and mop.
Take out trash.
Fold and put away laundry.
Ages 9-12
Kids at this age need organization and a set schedule from you (along with your expectations.) If you lump things on them at the last minute, or keep moving their goals, they will get upset. This age often has a lot of school activities and increased homework, which will cut into their free time. Proper scheduling is key to assisting their developing sense of organization and prioritizing. Limiting daily chores (like picking up) to no more than 30 minutes, and allowing them to delegate scrubbing-type chores to weekends is helpful.
Some Chores preteens are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Help wash the car.
Wash dishes.
Help prepare simple meals.
Mowing the lawn
Rake leaves.
Operate the washer and dryer.
Ages 13-18
This age group is pretty capable of handling most chores, provided they have been trained properly. However, at this age, their lives are really hopping! Between their social lives, academic lives, and activities, they can become easily overwhelmed and frustrated. In most cases, this is a simple time management problem. Remember the expression “Time flies when you’re having fun”? Believe it or not, many people are terrible estimators of time. This is especially true when we connect “time” with activities we enjoy or loathe. Have you ever felt time was dragging on when you wanted to stop doing something? Or have you ever wondered where the time went, when you were having a great time doing something? Teens are no different. Further complicating their concept of time is their individual learning rate.
To deal with this challenge, break out the old timer you were using and dust it off. Start having your teen time themselves (or you can do it for them) doing every task on their plate, for a minimum of two weeks. [Ideally, a month is better because it allows for changes in energy levels and assignment complexity – but two weeks will do.] Then look at the actual time it takes them to complete a task, and compare it with the amount of time they actually have. I guarantee, some adjustment and prioritizing will be required. When calculating available time, do not forget to include the time it takes to travel back and forth to activities, or time spent on the bus, or how many pages they read an hour. Believe me, this stuff adds up!
Don’t be afraid to drop some chores to a bi-weekly schedule, like laundry.
Some chores teenagers are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Replace light bulbs and vacuum cleaner bags.
All parts of the laundry.
Wash windows.
Clean out refrigerator and other kitchen appliances.
Clean the bathroom.
Grocery shopping
Shoveling snow and salting the walk
Prepare meals.
Don’t forget, all children are “Under Construction.” Making mistakes is an integral part of the human experience. Remember, don’t let your past mistakes and failures rule your life or theirs. Mistakes and failures are the parents of Strength and Wisdom! Be flexible enough to go with the flow, but confident enough to be who you are and you’re going to be a great parent. The most important guideline to follow is letting your child develop according to their individual talents.